Walking Away: Choosing Motherhood Over a Career I Loved

I always thought that being a police officer was the path for me - the long path. Not a few years and done kind of path. The job was tough, gritty, and at times, brutal but it was also fulfilling in a way that nothing else had ever been. I thrived on the adrenaline, the camaraderie, and the feeling that I was making a real impact.

But life has a way of shifting your perspective.

When I became a mother, everything changed. Not in the romanticised, my whole world is sunshine and rainbows now way but in the deep, unsettling identity crisis way. The kind that makes you stare at the ceiling at 2 AM, questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself.

Choosing Motherhood Over a Career You Love Isn’t Always Easy

Policing was more than a job, it was part of my identity. I had worked hard to earn my place, pushed through a culture that wasn’t always welcoming to women, and found my own sense of purpose in helping others. I was proud of what I did.

But I was also exhausted: mentally, emotionally, and physically.

The things I had seen and experienced had chipped away at me over time. Assaults, trauma, workplace bullying, discrimination for being a mother… it all piled up. And when I fell pregnant with my second child, I realised I couldn’t keep pouring from an empty cup.

I had to make a choice.

And as much as it gutted me to walk away from the badge, my family needed me more, and that was someone who protected and prioritised their own mental health. So for me, it was motherhood over a career. I want to be present for my family, to be healthy and maintain a calm and sound mind. I want to show my children the importance of prioritising themselves and family.

Motherhood is Hard, Even When You Want It More Than Anything

Here’s the thing no one really tells you: just because you choose something doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.

I wanted to be a mum more than anything. But when I left policing, I didn’t expect the crushing weight of losing a part of myself.

Motherhood is isolating in a way that no job ever was. It’s relentless. There are no lunch breaks, no clocking off, no debriefing with colleagues after a tough day. Some days, the only adult conversation I have is with my husband when he gets home from work.

I missed feeling capable. I missed feeling like I had a purpose outside of wiping chubby hands and settling nap schedules. And I felt guilty for struggling, because I wanted this.

Making the Right Choice for You and Your Family Doesn’t Mean It Won’t Hurt

We talk a lot about sacrifice in motherhood. But what we don’t talk about enough is grief.

I grieved my old life. I grieved the thrill of the job, the sense of importance, the person I used to be. But that grief didn’t mean I had made the wrong choice, it just meant that change, even when it’s right, is hard.

It took me a long time to see that my impact didn’t disappear when I left my career. It just shifted.

Instead of being the one people called on their worst days, I’m now the safe place my children run to when they’re hurt or scared. Instead of chasing offenders, I’m chasing tiny feet around the house. Instead of writing reports, I’m writing a new chapter of my life, one where I still make a difference, just in a quieter, less obvious way.

You Can Miss Your Old Life and Still Love Your New One

Leaving the police didn’t mean I stopped caring. And struggling with motherhood doesn’t mean I regret choosing it.

The truth is, we can hold both things at once: love and loss, gratitude and grief, fulfillment and frustration.

Some days, I still miss the job. I still wonder who I might have been if things had been different. But then I look at my children, at the life I’ve built, at the mother I’m becoming and I know, without a doubt, that I made the right choice.

Not the easy choice.

Not the comfortable choice.

But the right one.