From Career Woman to Full-Time Mum: The Identity Crisis No One Warns You About

Introduction: The Shift No One Prepared Me For

I thought stepping away from my job would be the hardest part. It turns out, that was the easy part.

I always knew I wanted to be a mum. I dreamt about it, planned for it, and made the choice to leave full-time work so I could be fully present for my kids. It was a decision made with love, purpose, and complete certainty.

So why did I feel like I was falling apart?

The transition from career woman to full-time mother wasn’t the seamless, fulfilling experience I expected. It was jarring, isolating, and, at times, completely overwhelming. And the hardest part? The guilt. Because this was something I had chosen... shouldn’t I be happy?

If you’re in this season of life and wondering why something so beautiful can feel so damn hard, you’re not alone. And just because you wanted this doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to struggle with it.

I tried to prepare an activity but it ended up pure mess!

The Jarring Reality and Identity Shift of Full-Time Motherhood

When I worked full-time, my life had structure. I had goals, deadlines, feedback, and recognition. I knew what I was good at. I felt accomplished at the end of the day.

Motherhood, on the other hand, is a never-ending cycle of giving: physically, mentally, emotionally - without the tangible validation that work provides. No one hands you a glowing performance review for soothing a baby at 3 AM. There are no promotions for managing tantrums or keeping tiny humans alive on two hours of sleep.

And the loneliness? No one prepared me for that. In my career, I was surrounded by people. Conversations, camaraderie, and even the tough days were shared experiences. But as a full-time mum, I found myself in a quiet house, trapped in a loop of nappies, nap schedules, and endless laundry.

It was a complete identity shift, one I didn’t fully process until I started coming back to myself nearly two years later.

The Mental Toll: Losing Myself Before Finding Myself Again

Here’s the part I had hear people talk about but didn't really understand until now: how easy it is to lose yourself in motherhood.

I didn’t realise it at first. I was too busy surviving, adjusting, convincing myself I was just tired. But over time, the weight of it built up: the exhaustion, the isolation, the overwhelming responsibility of shaping tiny lives.

And then there was the guilt.

Because I chose this.

I wanted to be at home with my children. I wanted to soak up these years. But that didn’t erase the reality that this was harder than I ever imagined.

I felt guilty for struggling. Guilty for missing my old life. Guilty for not loving every moment.

But here’s what I wish someone had told me: just because you chose this path doesn’t mean you have to pretend it’s easy. Your feelings are valid. Struggle doesn’t mean regret. Missing your old self doesn’t mean you love your children any less.

That realisation was a turning point for me. Because once I stopped feeling ashamed of my struggle, I could start working through it.

The Things That Helped Me Come Back to Myself

I didn’t wake up one day suddenly feeling better. It was a slow process, one that I’m still working through. But here are some things that helped:

1. Reclaiming Small Pieces of My Identity

I started asking myself: Who was I before I became a mother? What did I love? What made me feel like me?

For me, it was diving into creativity and connecting with other women in similar phases. of life. That’s how my blog was born, by wanting to write and share and find other mothers who have shared experiences. For others, it might be exercise, a hobby, or even just getting dressed in something that makes you feel good.

2. Shifting My Mindset

Instead of focusing on what I had “lost,” I started reframing it: Motherhood isn’t the crossing-out of who I was, it’s the evolution of who I am.

That simple shift made a world of difference.

3. Finding My People

Motherhood can be lonely, but it doesn’t have to be isolating. Finding even one other mum who truly gets it can change everything.

Whether it’s an online community, a mum’s group, or just a friend you can text when the day feels impossible, connection matters.

4. Giving Myself Permission to Feel It All

The love, the exhaustion, the gratitude, the frustration, it can all coexist. I'm learning to stop fighting the emotions and just let them be.

Advice for Mums Who Are Still in the Thick of It

If you’re reading this and feeling the weight of this transition, here’s what I want you to know:

• 1. You are not failing. Motherhood is hard. Full stop.

• 2. You don’t have to love every moment to be a good mum. Some days will be beautiful. Some days will be brutal. Both are part of the journey.

• 3. Missing your old life doesn’t mean you don’t love your new one. It just means you’re human.

• 4. This season won’t last forever. You won’t always feel this lost. One day, you’ll look back and realise you found yourself again, just in a different way.

I see you. I know how hard this is. But I promise, you’re not alone in it.