Getting Out of the House in Early Motherhood: Striking a Balance Between Structure and Flexibility

In the early days of motherhood, getting out of the house feels like a major victory. Some days, just the thought of organising everything from nappy bags, snacks, extra clothes and all the other little things feet like more than I could handle. So for me, staying home became the easier, more manageable option. A routine developed naturally, and home-based-structure became my comfort zone.

I’ve always needed a lot of structure around naps and meals. It’s just who I am and how I’ve learned to parent. I like knowing when the kids will sleep, when they’ll eat, and how the day is likely to unfold. This system works really well for me and, in many ways, for my children too. They’re predictable in their routines, and that predictability helps me count down the day in manageable chunks. The rhythm of nap times, meals, and bedtime keeps the chaos at bay (most of the time).

This approach to parenting aligns with my natural instinct for providing security, and I generally believe it's my responsibility to adapt to their needs, rather than expecting them to adjust to mine. While this perspective can be controversial, research indicates that offering this structure and routine provides security during these early years. Unfortunately, despite my dedication to this belief, it has led to certain challenges that I feel I have to address.

The Blessing and Curse of Structure

The upside to this structured approach is that my kids generally have predictable bedtimes and nap times, which means I have some semblance of control over our daily routine. I know when I’ll get a breather, when we can plan activities, and how the day will likely go. The downside, however, is that my kids really don’t handle routine changes well. Throw a curveball, like a skipped nap, an outing that takes too long, or dinner happening an hour late and all bets are off. They don’t just roll with it; they unravel. And when they unravel, so do I.

While I love the peace that comes with a predictable schedule, I’ve realised that it can also be limiting. I’ve found myself saying “no” to outings or plans simply because it didn’t fit perfectly into their routine. And while that structure gives me peace of mind, I’ve also started to wonder if I could be a little more flexible, for both their sake and mine.

Finding Balance: Embracing a Little More Flexibility

So here I am, trying to find a little more balance. I’m not about to throw our entire routine out the window, but I do want to work on introducing a touch more flexibility into our lives. It’s a slow process because I know drastic changes won’t go well with my kids (or with me), but I’m trying to make small adjustments, one step at a time.

I started with simple, manageable changes, just 1-2 times a week. Maybe we’ll push lunch back by half an hour or extend a morning outing past their usual nap time (this was a disaster by the way). The goal is to gently introduce some flexibility without completely dismantling the structure that keeps us all grounded. Over time, the plan is to increase that to 2-3 times a week, testing the waters with new experiences while also keeping the routine in place for stability.

What Does That Look Like?

It could mean a spontaneous trip to the park even if it’s nap time in an hour, or saying yes to an impromptu coffee date, knowing it might push their schedule a bit. It means packing snacks and a bringing comforters for naps, adjusting plans on the fly, and seeing how we all handle it.

The key is to remind myself that it’s okay if everything isn’t perfect. If nap time gets a little off, or bedtime doesn’t happen right on the dot, that’s okay. I’ve come to understand that flexibility can be just as valuable as structure. It teaches my kids to adapt, and it gives me more room to say “yes” to the things that matter.

Small Changes, Big Wins

So far, it’s been a bit rocky, but we’re making progress. By easing into it with small changes, I’m finding that we can stretch our routine a little without everything falling apart. And when we do, we gain some freedom to enjoy more of what life has to offer. It’s a work in progress, but I’m hopeful that as we slowly increase these small shifts, we’ll find a happy middle ground where structure and flexibility coexist.

At the end of the day, I need to remind myself that it’s not just about maintaining control over the day, it’s about making space for the joy, the adventures, and the unexpected moments that make motherhood so fulfilling. Even if those moments push naptime back just a bit.